The Book I Didn't Plan to Write
Why the very emotions we try to avoid are often the messengers we need to follow.
Over the past decade, I’ve dedicated my work to helping leaders and organizations build belonging spaces. I’ve written two books, spoken on stages around the world, and coached countless professionals on the power of creating cultures where every person feels safe, has a strong sense of trust, and knows they have agency to collaborate with their colleagues free from fearing negative consequences.
For me, belonging has always been both a mission and a methodology. In other words, when I work with a leader or a company, both their North Star and the principles of getting there start and end with belonging. Belonging is the “what” a company is trying to achieve, and it’s also the how in activating this mission into reality.
More recently, I’ve discovered a deeper truth about belonging—one that begins not with a framework or a corporate initiative, but with the quiet courage to belong to myself, unapologetically. This journey started with a pivotal decision that completely threw me off course.
The Unexpected Journey
For the past year, I’ve immersed myself in writing my third book, titled initially The Belonging Practice. It was a comfortable project, building on the key concepts that the Belonging Membership Community already knows and values. I had a compelling outline, a solid structure, and a clear path forward. The plan was safe, familiar, and, frankly, predictable.
Last month, I earned my Master Reiki Certification at a week-long retreat in Mt. Shasta. The retreat included plenty of deep listening, trusting my intuition, and appreciating the quiet wisdom that lives beneath the noise of our daily lives. In the stillness of that retreat, a clear and undeniable message came to me:
This book needed to be more than a practice. It needed to be a "memoir & methodology"—a story of my own journey, full of vulnerability and personal experience, woven together with the principles I teach.
My immediate physical reaction was a jolt of anxiousness. The feeling was a familiar, fluttering sensation that erupted in my stomach and settled as a weight on my solar plexus. The carefully laid plan was gone, replaced by an invitation to be exposed and vulnerable in a way I hadn’t anticipated. The feeling was so intense, my mind immediately began to spin, questioning everything: Is changing course on the book plan the ‘right’ decision? Is this too personal? Will people still find value in it?
Instead of letting the anxiousness take over, I chose to lean into the following somatic practice. This isn't about ignoring or suppressing feelings. It’s about listening to them, and dare I say, befriending them (check out the video below to try this practice).
I found a quiet corner and simply sat with the feeling, not to push it away, but to gain awareness of it. I began by taking a few slow, conscious breaths, inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. With each breath, I felt my feet ground into the earth beneath me, creating a sense of stability.
Next, I shifted my attention inward to locate the sensation in my body. The anxiousness was a dense, vibrating ball in the center of my solar plexus. Its temperature was hot, and its texture was scaly and rough. I placed a hand over the spot, breathing into the sensation as if creating a sanctuary for it. The simple act of acknowledging it with my touch and breath began to smooth the texture.
Then came the most profound action: I spoke to the feeling. Internally, I whispered, "Hello, anxiousness. I see you. What are you trying to tell me?"
The answer came not in words, but in a subtle, somatic knowing. The anxiousness wasn't a warning sign to stop; it was a protective force. It was my nervous system’s way of saying, “Hey, this is new and unknown. I'm here to keep you safe.” It was a sign that the change was significant, brave, and deeply personal. It was my inner wisdom confirming that this new path was not a threat, but a sign of profound growth.
In that moment, I realized the decision to shift the book’s focus from a simple methodology guide to a more profound memoir & methodology must-read was an act of self-trust. It was a signal that I was ready to move out of my comfort zone and share my own journey—to model the vulnerability and courage I ask of the leaders I coach every day. By sharing my story of struggle, resilience, and transformation, I know I can become a more authentic and powerful leader capable of inspiring others to embark on their own journeys of self-discovery, becoming, and belonging.
This experience taught me that the feelings that accompany change—be they anxiety, fear, or uncertainty—are not obstacles to be overcome. They are messengers, guiding us toward a more profound recognition of who we really are and what we are capable of doing. They are part of our human experience, and when we befriend them, we unlock a powerful inner resource for growth.
So, the next time you feel that familiar flutter of discomfort, don’t push it away. Don’t let it convince you to stay small or safe. Instead, befriend it. Ground yourself in your body, locate the sensation, and ask what it needs. That feeling might just be the quiet sign you need to make the change you were born to make.
By consciously connecting with the feelings that arise, we build resilience and trust in our own ability to adapt, ensuring we can be okay with the discomfort of change and exercise our birthright to belong in a constantly evolving world.
Want Support in Building Belonging?
Group Practice. Let us know when you’d like to participate in our weekly, complimentary Belonging Practice sessions, which provide a practice space to try somatic exercises, such as the one featured in this article.
1:1 Coaching. If you’d like 1:1 support, I’m offering a special 10-session somatic coaching package this fall. Learn more here.
Resource Guide. Practice embodied exercises and develop the leadership skills necessary to upend workplace exclusion and build team safety & trust using this guide.
Thank you for growing our Belonging Movement!